A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!”
At the doctor's 17. Januar 2010
The grasshopper, the snail and the centipede 10. Januar 2010
Before you start reading one thing: I think you can guess what a grasshopper is, snail is “Schnecke” in German and I’m sure that by the end of the joke you’ll also know what a centipede is.
One Saturday afternoon the grasshopper, the snail, and the centipede were sitting around the grasshopper’s house drinking beer.
They ran out of beer before they were ready to quit drinking, so they decided one of them should go out for more beer.
The snail said, “I’d go, but I’m kind of slow. Besides, Grasshopper, this is your neighborhood so you know where to go.”
The grasshopper said, “I don’t mind going, but my hopping will shake up the beer and we’ll get sprayed every time we open one.”
So they decided to send the centipede; and the grasshopper explained how to get to the nearest liquor store.
An hour or so passed and still the centipede hadn’t returned, so the snail and the grasshopper decided to go look for him.
They got as far as the front door and found the centipede sitting there putting on his shoes.
A nice day out 3. Januar 2010
A lorry driver is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo when his lorry breaks down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the engine when a second lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he needs help. The penguins’ driver explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if the other man would take the penguins there. He agrees.
Some hours later, the 2nd lorry driver drives past the first one, who is still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and look happy.
“I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo,” shouted the first driver.
The second replied, “I did, but I had some money left, so we’re going to the cinema now.”
The joke of the week isn't what it used to be 28. Dezember 2009
But here is the joke of the fortnight:
Question: What did the ocean say to the beach?
Answer: Nothing, it just waved!
The tenses 28. November 2009
Teacher: Today, we’re going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say “I am beautiful,” which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
Guessing 16. November 2009
A guy says to his friend, “Guess how many coins I have in my pocket.”
The friends says, “If I guess right, will you give me one of them?”
The first guys says, “If you guess right, I’ll give you both of them!”
Cinderella 8. November 2009
Why couldn’t Cinderella be a good soccer player?
She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.
A car crash 1. November 2009
A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
“Go on,” said the Scot, “have another drink.”
The Englishman drank gratefully. “But don’t you want one, too?” he asked the Scotsman.
“Perhaps,” replied the Scotsman, “after the police have gone.”
